I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
