Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
