Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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