My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
