i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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