spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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