A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
