After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
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But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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