508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
