just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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