remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
