I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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