Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
