I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
