We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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