So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
