Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
