At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
