need another drink. this is the easiest way
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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