One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
