just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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