Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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