whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
