Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
