i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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