just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
