saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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