I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Someone came in the potted fern
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
