I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
