i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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