it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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