she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
