What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
