I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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