I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
