Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Never underestimate the power of titties
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
