oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
