3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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