mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
