YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
