hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
