does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
