new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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