I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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