My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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