One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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