SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
