I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
