You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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