Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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