And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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