Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
