I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
