We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
