Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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