What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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