Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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