The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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