So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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