We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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