a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
