I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
