Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize