You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Randomize
