areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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