guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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