i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
