oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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