I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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