Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
