after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
