Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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