Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
