Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You made out with two different species that night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You were trust falling into bushes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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