we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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