Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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