if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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