i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
