Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize