Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
