dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ketchup is God's man juice
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
