I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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