it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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