I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
