my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
