hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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