You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
