Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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