so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
