Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
