so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
