Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
