i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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